So it finally happened. You can call me Dr. Cousins. I defended my doctoral dissertation yesterday morning, but when I try to process my feelings about it I'm sort of...ambivalent. At least at my school, no one ever gets finished without revisions, and I just feel like I got over most of the hurdles but I'm not at the finish line.
People kept asking me yesterday what I was planning to do now that it's over. They want to know what I'm going to do for my post doc. They want to know if I have any leads. They want to know if I've started working on any grants and independent research. All I can think, though, is I'm going to take care of my kids. It's been almost two whole grueling days since I've seen my babies, and I want to hold them. I want to squeeze them and love on them. I want to potty train my Lilah and teach her to swim. I want to see Michaela learning to crawl. I want to spend some time just being Mrs. Reyes without anything else to worry about but my family. Is that really so much to ask? Is it really so awful that I DO NOT feel like having a Ph.D. makes me too good to be a housewife for a little while?
I have 9 days now before the final copy of my dissertation is due. Nine more agonizing and aggravating days, but after that, no matter who wants to look down on me for it, I'm taking at least a full month to be Mrs. Reyes to the man that I deeply love and whose wife I am so proud to be. I am not going to worry about Dr. Cousins at all. Let her have a vacation.